Blogging has not been my thing lately! I have been on a heinous due to the busyness of life and I have had more important things to do like changing diapers. :)

I recently had a dermatologist appointment where I was concerned about a mole on my thigh that morphed on me. The Doc took it out and told me that she would call me about it with lab results. I was thinking okay well at least I got that pesky thing out. Unfortunately, the dermatologist called me two weeks later telling me I have melanoma...

My head is telling me, "Well you have cancer now what..." I was completely at a loss at what to think. Anger, frustration, and the lack of control of what will happen next. Emotions of several kinds were whirring in my head and then I had the genius idea of reading about melanoma on Wikipedia. WOW that was genius?!

The stupidest thing you can do once you are diagnosed with any sort of disease is read about it online. I came to the conclusion that I would be dying with in the next month due to the wonderful news I just encountered. Reading the stats gave me the realization this disease kills. Let me tell you after reading, I had a sleepless night and many to follow. I just kept on thinking in my head I have two kids I want to watch grow up.

The dermatologist referred me to an oncologist which I saw the next week. He told me I need surgery... the type for those technical folk out there is wide excision  and an sentinel node biopsy. I was not really happy on this considering I had never come under the knife other than wisdom teeth being taken out. I think I was more fearful of surgery than childbirth and I have done that twice! Basically, the initial surgery was to see if the melanoma spread to my lymph nodes and to take out my remaining skin by the mole to be ensure all the melanoma is removed. 

Surgery day was surreal. I was scared and frightened and not happy on the prospect of being put under the knife. I had the procedure at brand new hospital that was just opened eight months ago. The nursing staff was wonderful. The testing was horrible to find my lymph nodes they were going to find.  I think the pain with this was worse than the aftermath of surgery. They pick you with 5 shots of some sort of radioactive agent dye to find my nodes. These shots burn. The results came back with one of my nodes having melanoma. The next method of treatment was more surgery followed by immunothearapy.

They scanned me after surgery a couple of weeks later. The PET results showed that the cancer had not spread but was still spreading at the microscopic level.

The next month I had surgery where they removed all the lymph nodes in the infected area and put drainage tube sticking out of my thigh to remove all the excess fluid from my removed glands. I had to spend overnight at the hospital. I was not too excited about the overnight stay but the doc and the hubby were insistent on having me rest.

After the surgery, I was not the best patient. I have pride issues and do not like to depend on others. It is really a point of contention because I do not like to stay still when there is always something to do at home. Eventually, I got to the point that I have to depend on others. The next week I received the results of my second surgery to be told that I had two more nodes positive but the good news was no more surgery!. 

At this point of my melanoma excitement, I have a tube sticking out of my thigh and looking forward to start treatment so that I can get this cancer out of me. The Providence of the Lord confuses me at points but I know everything will be okay!

Almost Losing My Sanity...

Last Friday, I was at the point of insanity. They would have to pick me up put me in a straight jacket and take me to the looney bin. I bet those padded walls would be comforting.  I get to this point quite often it seems especially by the end of the week because I am with my children 24/7 literally.  I tend to get mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I decided Mommy needed a break. A few hours to myself is always rewarding and revitalizing.


Don't think I am a horrible mother but sometimes a few hours of R&R is necessary for me to remain sane and to be the better mother I can be. Believe me I love my children but sometimes they run at my nerves causing my brain to malfunction.

Every time I leave my children with the hubby, I always have this overwhelming guilty that perpetually wrecks havoc upon my conscience. The guilt majorly comes into play that I am being inconsiderate to my children in taking me-time. I have this constant battle that something will drastically go wrong and I was not there to comfort them and care for them. Not that I lose faith in my husband's parental abilities but he is not mommy.

So, I leave for a few hours Friday night. As I am leaving I hear my one year old daughter crying looking for me. My son is content because the hubby is reading a story to him. I already have the guilt welling up inside me because of my daughter's crying but I know I have to leave or the men with white suits will come.

I arrive back at home a few hours later to find my children peaceful sleeping in bed with my husband. It was such a picturesque site. I plan I keeping that in the memory banks for awhile.

When my husband wakes up, I asked him how was the night alone with the little ones. He informs me that they went to bed fairly early. My four year old watched a video before bed and my one year old fell asleep eventually in my husbands arms but before that my one year old daughter bit her brother. I had to take a double take there. What?! My precious little baby would never ever bite any one. I guess the sibling rivalry came out with rage. The hubby was reading a book to my son and my daughter just went up to her brother and bit him with teeth marks and all although she only has four teeth.  My four year old took at first pretty well but then realized his pain and started all out crying. As soon as my son was bit, he yelled as his sister saying NO! not screaming but in a reprimanding tone. Then she started crying. So, here my poor husband was with two crying children out numbered two to one. Eventually, he was able to comfort both and all was well but me on the other hand had thoughts of never leaving my children in the care of other ever again until they were able to care for themselves.

In the case of childcare, I need to have the faith of other in the care of my children but the maternal instincts overwhelm me at many points.  I guess eventually I will learn to cope with my guilt in due time. In the mean time, I will be attempting to prevent any more biting duals at the homestead.

Mr. Wonderful

The other day my three year old soon to be four year old made a distinct observation. It was very intuitive of him if I do say so my self.

Recently, he has been noticing different features on people. Take for instance, a little girl at the playground had an eye patch on her eye to correct her vision, my son made the statement that she was a pirate! Ahoy, Captain! At that consideration, I explained to him that she had the eye patch on her eye to strengthen her vision in her eye and that his father had to wear an eye patch too when Daddy was a little boy. Well, in three year old wisdom, he insisted she was a pirate and I left it at that.

 His opinions are becoming quite apparent especially in his philosophy of himself in the world. Showing his muscles, he always says he is STRONG and BIG using his deep macho voice. Its really quite comical.  He made the observation that his little sister, who is one, is cute. I very much appreciated his love and affection he was showing for his sister but at that point I also wanted to endeavor in complimenting him he saying he was really cute, also. Upon saying this, he shocked me with his response. "Mom, I am not cute. I am wonderful."  Well, I would have to completely agree with him on this. He is most the positively wonderous blessing.

Toy Borrowing from the Library

I just discovered this program from Cuyahoga County Library where I could borrow toys from the library. It is wonderful. Every time we order new toys, its like Christmas. I keep threaten with my husband that I am just going to wrap the toys we borrow for Christmas because the kids get so excited.

It works like the same as a ordering a book or DVD from the library but the selection of the toys are only listed online unless you visit the Brooklyn Library Branch. I live in Richmond Heights, Ohio so the drive is a little too long. When I order the toys, we usually receive them within 2 to 3 days unless there is a hold on them. We are able to borrow them for 3 weeks and then they must be returned. They can not be renewed after the loan period.  For any late toys, its a $0.10 charge per day, which is completely manageable because most library systems charge $1 per day for a movie. The fee for lost, unreturned, or damaged toys is $35.00. The way this is setup is perfect for our family because the kids only play with the toys for about two weeks and then it is old news. They wait in anticipation for the next greater or betteer thing. My three year old understands the concept of returning the toys and does not have any problems with it. My one year old does not even notice if a toy she was playing with is no longer here.

The selection of the toys is wonderful. The Cuyahoga County Library System states that they have over 700 toys to select from. Catergories included are Baby & Toddler Toys, Preschool Toys, School Age Toys, Within each of these categories the library organizes them into active play, baby/toddler, blocks, games, learning skills, literacy, math, music, pretend play, puppets, puzzles, science and nature, and special needs. With the ability to view a picture of each toy, selection is completely straight forward. You look at a toy you desire or your child and just click on a icon stating "Get This Toy," enter your library card number and PRESTO. The toy will be at a local branch within days.

Some of the toys we have received you can tell that they have been in used condition but my children never know the difference. Prior to receiving the toy from the library, each toy is examined, cleaned, and disinfected by the library between borrowers, (which makes alot less work for me!). These precautions reduce your child’s exposure to germs and safety issues resulting from damage, wear, etc.

I can really appreciate this program because it saves me money and make my life a little easier because my children are not breathing down my neck to buy them the next greatest toy. Even though I will not be able to rent a Wii or Playstation or Action figures, its the perfect toys that I prefer my children to play with because it enables their creative, increases they ability and, creates a positive learning environment.

Below are the listing for the toy collection websites in Cleveland, Ohio:

http://www.cuyahoga.lib.oh.us/ToyCollection.aspx

http://librarytv.cuyahogalibrary.org/media2/toys/indexcategories.htm

The Curious Creature Strikes Again...

My youngest will be turning one at the end of the month. She is the cutest little thing but there is one thing she is full of... mischievous. She has been getting into things like crazy. Her curiousity can not be contained. Always looking for things to play with, my eleven month old topped the toddler mess record for our household.

As I was taking a shower, I usually have my daughter in the bathroom so I can keep an eye on her. Today, I left the bathroom door ajar as I was showering. Taking the opportunist perceptive, she made a jail break. My oldest was watching a video at the time and did not realize his little sister was wreaking havoc upon kitchen.

As her adventure began, I heard her jibber-jabbering and I thought she was playing with her toys. Almost complete with my shower, I heard an eerie silence. I knew she had gotten into something because she eludes to silence in her curiosity opportune moments especially when she knows that she is doing something that she is not suppose to be doing.

Then.... she walks into the bathroom with EGGS! How in the world did she get EGGS? The little monster got into my refrigerator and started playing with EGGS. She decided that she would show Mommy her accomplishment.

Upon seeing my daughter in the bathroom with an egg in each hand, I went in to panic mode. Where did those eggs come from? How did she get to them? How much of a mess will I be cleaning up? I quickly took the eggs and dressed myself as fast as humanly possible. We then made the adventure to the kitchen as the terror music is going on in the background.

Luckily, It was only the eggs.  Nothing that is extremely messy. Only, one had been broken completely but a bunch had been cracked severely. So, in my practically characteristic coming out, I made the decision to have scrambled eggs.

My three-year old made his entrance with much enthusiasm in his voice, "LOOK! at this mess!"
I completely agreed with him.

Below shows the results....

A Three-Year's Philosophy

My oldest is three years old. I believe this is definitely a very precious time in their lives whereby they are starting to investigate the world around them and finding exactly where they are placed.


This little boy has a problem with motion sickness. Its the one characteristic I prayed he would not inherit from me. Well... In all of God's humor, he was blessed and/or cursed with this attribute.

On every car trip 45 minutes or longer, he has an up-chuck. I really feel horrible for the little guy. I know from personal experience the horrors of the puking spells.

When he knows that funny feeling is coming, atypically he lets us know in order that we may avoid the lovely smell of puke in the car. But this child has made a discovery... in his little mind of his, he has realized, "If I let Mom and Dad know that I need to puke, then we are going to pull over and we get to enjoy the view."

The first time this occurred he was in the car saying that he needed to puke but not in a way that you know its an emergency through his tone of voice. We pulled over to the first gas station on the way.

There the little guy was leaning over in the up-chuck fashion as if there was something coming. It was coming at least I thought. A minute went by.

"Do you really need to puke?" I said.

"Yes. Mommy?"
"Yes" I said.
"Are there any grasshoppers in the grass?"
"Yes. There are probably grasshoppers in the grass but I do not see any. Do you really need to puke?"
"Yes. Mommy, Why does that tree have no leaves?"
"I don't know. Maybe its dead."

This continued for about five more questions. In between each question, I asked if he needed to puke. The same answer came without failure. Yes! And when asked he would lean over in the up-chuck fashion as if it would make me believe him that his acting skills were in question.

I had come to the realization that this child really had to intention of puking instead he just wanted the chance to sit outside the car and look at the scenery in a different perceptive.

Rushing seems to be a part of life. Well I have to go here, to finish this, in order to complete that. But in the end does it all matter. Are we just wasting our time doing the "little things" to make the "greater things" like wealthy, power, and prestige? Whereas, we should being doing things to fulfill the greater purpose. Maybe we all should have the perspective of a three-year old and look at things in a different perspective.

"Get out of the car and sit on the grass," as he would say in his small three year old voice.

The New Manners...

Recently, my two children and I went to the local mall to go on some errands. My youngest does not walk yet. So, we using the stroller. Usually, I have my three year old press the button so the doors designed to open for the handicap opened for my stroller. (Those doors really make life a lot easier with little ones.) In this particular instance of our extrusion, a middle aged lady had also been leaving while we were coming in. My three year old press the button for our entrance and she proceeded to exit before us. While she was leaving, she made no mention to us or any regard to us. Just walked away while putting on her sun glasses. Well, at this point in my little ones training, I have had a high regard for manners and politeness, especially saying, please, thank you, and your welcome. As this woman was commencing her exit, he blurted out ,"Your Welcome" fairly loudly. At this point she turned to look back but continued to walk away. My three year old looked inquisitively towards me thinking "What's her problem?" We just continued on our way but in the back of my mind, I was thinking how ironic that a  three year old little boy has more sense of politeness and manners than a fully grown adult raised in a society to appreciate the small gestures given by one another.