Last Friday, I was at the point of insanity. They would have to pick me up put me in a straight jacket and take me to the looney bin. I bet those padded walls would be comforting. I get to this point quite often it seems especially by the end of the week because I am with my children 24/7 literally. I tend to get mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I decided Mommy needed a break. A few hours to myself is always rewarding and revitalizing.
Don't think I am a horrible mother but sometimes a few hours of R&R is necessary for me to remain sane and to be the better mother I can be. Believe me I love my children but sometimes they run at my nerves causing my brain to malfunction.
Every time I leave my children with the hubby, I always have this overwhelming guilty that perpetually wrecks havoc upon my conscience. The guilt majorly comes into play that I am being inconsiderate to my children in taking me-time. I have this constant battle that something will drastically go wrong and I was not there to comfort them and care for them. Not that I lose faith in my husband's parental abilities but he is not mommy.
So, I leave for a few hours Friday night. As I am leaving I hear my one year old daughter crying looking for me. My son is content because the hubby is reading a story to him. I already have the guilt welling up inside me because of my daughter's crying but I know I have to leave or the men with white suits will come.
I arrive back at home a few hours later to find my children peaceful sleeping in bed with my husband. It was such a picturesque site. I plan I keeping that in the memory banks for awhile.
When my husband wakes up, I asked him how was the night alone with the little ones. He informs me that they went to bed fairly early. My four year old watched a video before bed and my one year old fell asleep eventually in my husbands arms but before that my one year old daughter bit her brother. I had to take a double take there. What?! My precious little baby would never ever bite any one. I guess the sibling rivalry came out with rage. The hubby was reading a book to my son and my daughter just went up to her brother and bit him with teeth marks and all although she only has four teeth. My four year old took at first pretty well but then realized his pain and started all out crying. As soon as my son was bit, he yelled as his sister saying NO! not screaming but in a reprimanding tone. Then she started crying. So, here my poor husband was with two crying children out numbered two to one. Eventually, he was able to comfort both and all was well but me on the other hand had thoughts of never leaving my children in the care of other ever again until they were able to care for themselves.
In the case of childcare, I need to have the faith of other in the care of my children but the maternal instincts overwhelm me at many points. I guess eventually I will learn to cope with my guilt in due time. In the mean time, I will be attempting to prevent any more biting duals at the homestead.
